newsletter11

Newsletter #11
June 26, 2007

Jeanne's House of Angels Newsletter

Featured Angel: Jessica Diane Brown

Jessica Diane Brown
July 3,1989 - July 3, 2006
Our Birthday Girl Forever 17

I'd like to start Jessica's story with how she got her beautiful name. Before Jessica was born, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. It was terminal. I was told by the doctors she may not live to see her grandbaby. So, I went and had my doctor do a sonogram to find out what sex Jessica was. I went home and told my mom so she would know she was having a granddaughter. I asked her to pick out a name for her granddaughter. She named her, Jessica Diane Brown. Jessica lost her Nanna three weeks befor she was born.
Jessica was born July 3, 1989, to Scott Brown and Diane Cross. She has a big brother, Jason, and two half brothers and a sister. Brandon, Shaun, and Whitney.
From the moment she was born she made our lifes and our world a better place. Jessica was a very shy little girl and had the biggest blue eyes, and the longest eye lashes. One look from her with those beautiful blue eyes and your heart would melt, she would have you eating out of the palm of her hands. She had the most amazing smile that would light up a room the very second she entered. She never gave up on whatever she set out to do in life. She always set goals for herself. And she always accomplished everything she set out to do with great pride and joy. Even when she felt discouraged she never gave up, it just made her try even harder. If you had the pleasure of making a friend in Jessica, a true friend she was. Her family and friends knew they could always count on her to be there no matter what. She always put the need to help others first before herself. Jessi always had to be a part of whatever was going on. She loved playing sports in school. The more she did the happier it made her. Always on the go. I called her my little busy bee. She so enjoyed her cooking lessons from Barry, my boyfriend. The two of them in the kitchen was certainly a fun sight to see. Jessica and Barry were born on the same date and made it a tradition every year to celebrate their birthdays visiting Shamu at Sea World.
She loved to hang out with her friends and talk on her cell phone. And, the girl could litteraly shop til she dropped. Jessi loved doing what made her happy. Jessica and her brother Jason are very close in age. The closeness they shared she cherished greatly. When they were little everyone thought they were twins, and would call them Buffy and Jody.
(From the old sit com Family Affair) If one was sick, or whatever the case may have been, the other felt the same. Jessica loved her Bubba very much. Jessica had a puppy she named Saede Brown, and her show goat, for FFA, she named Macho. Jessica attendened Denton schools from kindergarten through second grade. She attended third grade in Gainsville Texas. From there she attended Sanger schools where she was a pee wee cheerleader, played pee wee softball. When she first started playing softball she was so excited but scared. Scared to swing and hit the ball. For two years this went on. Finally with all the cheering and building her confidence one hot summer evening at the Sanger softball fields Jessi was up in the batters box, she turned looked at me, I gave her a thumbs up and she smiled her beautiful smile as always. She had two strikes and two balls. All of a sudden all the moms and dads started cheering for her in the stands." GO FROGGIE" she hit her first softball. She got the nick name Froggie because she could jump very high and catch all the fly balls. So her team thought if she could jump like that they should call her FROGGIE After her fist hit, everyday she got better and better. She played in the summer time on a select team. Jessi did what she wanted and loved everything and evreyone. She never gave up on the things and people she loved. Jessi, loved life. When she started junior high school she particapated in softball, cross country, basketball, track, and power lifting through her 9th grade year at Sanger high school. She was the only freshman girl to make Varsity and receive her letter jacket. Jessi transfered to Slidell High School her 10th grade year. She was so excited about starting Slidell school. Because it was a much smaller school. And from day one she loved it there. This is where she met her first and only boyfriend Bryan. Bryan was so good to Jessi. They were good together. She played softball, basketball, track, cross country. She was also on the year book comittee. If it was available Jessi participated and gave her best at everything she did. She finished her junior year in high school. She was suppose to be a senior this year. And graduate 2007. Summer vacation started. She hung out with her friends, we got to go on vacation and had a wonderful time. July 2, 2006 Jessi went out with some friends. She was so excited about turning 17 and getting her birthday presents. On July3, 2006 one minute after midnight Jessi turned 17 years old. She only had one hour and five minutes to enjoy her birthday. Me, Barry, her Dad, her brothers and sister never got to tell her happy birthday, or tell her we love her. We never got to say goodbye.
Alcohol, wreckless driving. and senseless behavior took our daughter away from us. And took all her dreams, goals, and her future away. Her chance to grow, and learn and experience all that she looked forward to in life. Jessica was so very loved by her family and friends. She left an everlasting impression in our Hearts Forever.
We will always love and miss you so much, Jessi girl.
I will always be grateful, and so very proud your my daughter.
Thank you for being my Precious Lula"Belle"...
Thank you for being you...

Always loving and holding you close,
Mom

"Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will. "
Jawaharal Nehru

The Club
By Karen Grover

In January, 1987, my husband and I became members of a very exclusive club. We had been only vaguely aware of its existence, and we thought that surely a chapter in a city the size of ours wouldn't have many members.
We had seen a few people who belonged to the club, but we didn't seem to have anything in common with them, so we didn't really get to know them. Occasionally, we read stories in the newspaper about new members being initiated into the club, but it didn't seem likely that we would ever be eligible to join, so we paid no attention.
The price of membership is so dear that we couldn't imagine being a part of the club. We must have realized in the backs of our minds that people didn't choose to join and pay the dues – it was done for them somehow. In fact, no one really has any idea of how members are selected. There are a lot of theories, but much of the time the theories come from non-members who don't understand much about the situation.
The "club" we are now in (although it is not an organized group), is known as "bereaved parents." The cost of our membership was the life of our son, and we, like all other members, have no idea why we were selected for membership.
No one wants to be in this club. Even now, months afterward, inside our hearts and minds we continue to fight membership, but there is no resigning from it. It is an automatic lifetime membership. There was no way to avoid it – we did the best we could to keep our son safe. For fourteen years, we guided him through dangers, only to have him die in a seemingly minor auto accident. Though we lay awake night after night, and think of it day after day, there is no answer as to why we have been thrust into this select group. We hate it and we cry out in protest, but there is no way to change it.
We have learned a lot since our membership began. We now understand much about the other members. In fact, we seek to be with them, to have regular get-togethers, to discuss our membership, and try to understand its value.
Sometimes, those outside the club are afraid of us, fearing that if they come near us or talk with us, they will be selected to become members too! Acquaintances often try to ignore the membership, pretending that it doesn't exist. They seem to think that will make things easier, and then the members won't feel "different," but it really only makes things much worse.
So many times, I have wanted someone to say hello or to tell me she has been thinking of me or to mention something about the absent child who still lives inside me and overshadows all my thoughts. I have heard people say, "I don't want to upset her, or remind her of her son, or say something that will make her cry."
I want to tell them: "The only way you can make me feel worse than I already do is to pretend that it doesn't exist or that it isn't as deep and painful as you surely know it is.
"Have you ever experienced the feeling of having one terrible incident go through your mind, day after day, week after week, month after month, wondering why it happened and how you could have prevented it? Well, don't worry about reminding me of my son. I am thinking about him nearly twenty-four hours a day.
"Sure, sometimes my mind is temporarily distracted – it would have to be to function at all. But if you think there is even one day that goes by without my child's death tearing up my heart, then you have no idea what this club is all about.
"I appreciate your talking about my child, or at least letting me talk about him. He was a very large part of my life, and ignoring him now will really hurt me. It makes me think that you feel he's no longer important because he's gone. It hurts to think that people don't want to think about him or remember good things about him, just because he has died.
"I understand that you don't want to say anything that will make me cry. That sounds kind, and I used to feel that way too, but now I know better. I'd rather the tears didn't come when you talk to me because I know they may scare you away, or at least make you very uncomfortable. But I've learned how useful and necessary they are. If I go too long without tears, my body builds up a terrible pressure from the pain of the grief. If you will allow me to cry in your presence, perhaps I won't have to cry alone, wondering if anyone else remembers, or even cares, about my loss.
"You can't know what will make me cry – sometimes I don't know, myself. Some days I stay dry-eyed through nearly everything. Other days, the slightest thing will start the tears – things you could not possibly imagine or anticipate. Not all the tears are tears of sorrow. Even in the midst of my anguish, I sometimes cry tears of joy and relief because you have reached out; because you have confirmed that my son was special; perhaps because you have shared with me some precious memory about him which I had not known before.
"Please don't run away from me. Don't pretend his death never occurred, or even worse, that he never lived! I still love him, think of him, need to remember. Please share with me and we will both feel better.
"I am learning that God is not punishing me. He did not cause the death of my son. But, He can help me to grow through this experience – to become stronger and wiser and more caring, if I have some help. Initially, when I was told by a church member that I would change and grow stronger through this experience, I wanted to scream that if it meant giving up my son, I didn't want to change or get stronger. But I know I have no choice about that now – he is gone. Now my choices are to either let God and friends help me to become better, or I can choose to allow this grief to destroy me."
“I have to experience the grief. I can't pretend it doesn't hurt, or hurry it along. That's what membership in this club is teaching me. I am choosing to allow God to take an unspeakable experience and use it to start life again – in a new and better way.”

FOR THE GARDEN OF YOUR DAILY LIVING

PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS:
1. Peace of mind
2. Peace of heart
3. Peace of soul

PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH:
1. Squash gossip
2. Squash indifference
3. Squash grumbling
4. Squash selfishness

PLANT FIVE ROWS OF LETTUCE:
1. Lettuce pray
2. Lettuce be faithful
3. Lettuce be kind
4. Lettuce be patient
5. Lettuce really love one another

NO GARDEN IS WITHOUT TURNIPS:
1. Turnip for meetings
2. Turnip for service
3. Turnip to help one another

TO CONCLUDE OUR GARDEN WE MUST HAVE THYME:
1. Thyme for each other
2. Thyme for family
3. Thyme for friends

WATER FREELY WITH PATIENCE AND CULTIVATE WITH LOVE.
THERE IS MUCH FRUIT IN YOUR GARDEN BECAUSE YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW.

PURPLE COW ICE CREAM SODA

1/2 c. grape juice
2 tbsp. sugar
1 tbsp. milk
ginger ale
vanilla ice cream

Put grape juice, sugar and milk into a ten-ounce tall glass and stir well.
Then add 1/2 cup chilled ginger ale and 1 large serving (2 scoops) of vanilla ice cream and stir well.

Add ginger ale to fill glass three-fourths full.

Top with another serving of ice cream.

Serves 1.

"Life's a voyage that's homeward bound. "
Herman Melville

Andy Rooney Quotes:

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

I am in shape. Round's a shape!

Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.

Future historians will be able to study at the Gerald Ford Library; the Jimmy Carter Library; the Ronald Reagan Library and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

Jessica Trivia:
Foods: Cheese pizza, Roman noodles, and ice cream

TV shows: Seventh Heaven, Big Brother,

Movies: Correna,Correna, Mary Kate and Ashley, Jersey Girl, Pretty In Pink

Music: Cheese Burger In Paridise/ Jimmy Buffett, Anything by Kenny Chesney,
I’m just a Summer Girl/Jessica Andrews,

Hobbies: Shopping, collecting Sea Shells, riding four wheelers

Color: Pink

Pets: Her dog Saede Brown, Her goat Macho

People: Her Family, Friends and coaches, her 1st boyfriend Bryan

Places: Sea World, Softball field, The Ocean, and of course tha Mall

Dreams: To Graduate High School, Go to college, Practice medicine and help people in need.

THE BEAUTIFUL HEART

One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine". The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing.

The people stared - "How can he say his heart is more beautiful?" they thought.

The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed. "You must be joking", he said. "Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears."

"Yes", said the old man, "yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared. Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges - giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away side by side

"It is easier to be wise for others than for ourselves. "
Francois De La Rochefoucauld

Jessica

How do we go on now that you're gone?
How do we get through each day?
How do we laugh when we just want to cry?
How do we learn how to play?

To all of my loved ones, please don't be sad
I don't want to think of you blue.
I didn't want to leave but God called me away
But I left my heart behind just for you.

But how do we know that you are okay?
And how do we learn to forgive?
How do we get through this grief?
How do we learn how to live?

Please let me tell you how I am now
Living in the house with the Lord.
There's so much to do and now I have wings
There's never a chance to get bored.

So live your life fully don't waste it away
And when the end you do reach
We'll all be together, forever this time
Walking the sands along Heaven's beach.
~DMN~

This is the eleventh edition of "Jeanne's House of Angels" newsletter.
A special thank you to Diane Cross, Jessica's mother, in providing her memories of Jessica.
If you would prefer not to receive a copy of the newsletter, please email me and I will remove you from the mailing list.
The featured angel in our next newsletter edition will be Linda Taylor.
AnnieHoo49@twcny.rr.com