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| Jeanne's House of Angels Newsletter |
| Newsletter #13 July 12, 2007 |
| Featured Angel: Joe King |
| I truly do not know what to say about Joe.
Joe and I met when I was 15 and fell in love from the start.
Joe was an amazing man that never lost his temper or held a grudge against anyone. He would give the shirt off his back litterally. And would help anyone with anything, he never met a stranger. The one story that somes to mind is about our home. Joe worked driving a local delivery truck for years, and one day he was in our neighborhood, having a bad day for whatever reasons. When he pulled his truck in front of this house and looked at it and prayed to God that someday he could own this house for his family. This was something he didn't share with me for over 10 years, which is how long it took us to actually buy the exact house he had prayed for. He didn't even mention it unti after we clsed on our very first home. It was our dream home, move in condition... I knew it from the moment I stepped in side and yet he never gave any indication about his prayer. God blessed us with the answer to Joe's prayer, for which I am forever grateful. It only saddens me to know that it took us longer to get the answer to that prayer than Joe got to enjoy the home. We were only here 5 years when we lost Joe, that dreadful day in November 2005. Joe was a very simple man, he didn't need name brand items, he was just a plain man with a heart of gold. On our marker at the grave site I had the words,,, "SEEK OUT LIFES SIMPLE PLEASURES" I think that describes Joe perfectly. When Joe told me this story I asked him why he never said anything to me about it, and he said he didn't want to influence my decision of whether or not I liked the house. Thats just the way Joe was, he would do anything to make me happy. I spent 23 of the happiest years of my life beside Joe and someday I will ,God willing, continue by his side. Joe loved to fish and hunt. But fishing was he favorite. It was never too hot or too far when it had to do with fishing. Joe had a Bass boat that he sold not because he wanted to but so we could use that money for a down payment on our home. Joe was an avid movie watcher. We didn't like going to the theaters, we preferred to stay at home and watch them in the comfort of our own home. He has a collection of about 2000 movies from the newest one at the time we lost him to very old ones. He liked all kinds, including GIRLY movies. He never complained when I wanted to watch one. Oceans 11 was one of his favorite movies, along with CHristine, he enjoyed all of Seinfield and Everybody loves Raymond tv shows. Joe was a BIg WVU mountaineer fan, he went to only a few games but always supported the team and he enjoyed college football over the NFL. Music Joe played in a local bar band THE Heat for about 10 years, he played bass guitar and sang lead vocals. He had an ear for music and loved all genres of music. But country being his favorite. He had a voice that could melt your heart, just listen to some of the songs on his site, poor quality, being done in a bar, but I can still see that smile while singing. Some of Joe's favorite food, Chicken and dumplings, Lasgne, pinto beans and cornbread, grilled steaks, he was a great cook on the grill,,,,,and he knew it too!!!! It was a favorite thing for him to grill out and the more friends and family he could cook for the better. I mean who doesn't LOVE a great steak on the grill. Joe loved all kinds of home cooked food. He would try anything once. Holden Beach NC is our favorite place for vaction.It was such a peacefull place that we enjoyed beyond words, summer 2004, our last family vacation. We thought it would be our last family vacation, becasue the kids were growing up and this would probably be the last one with all 4 of us without husbands or wives or boyfriends or girlfriends, we never dreamed it would be our last because we would loose the most important part of our lives. |
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| Why We Grieve Differently
by Jinny Tesik, M.A. We accept without question uniqueness in the physical world.....fingerprints, snowflakes, etc. But we often refuse that same reality in our emotional world. This understanding is needed, especially in the grieving process. No two people will ever grieve the same way, with the same intensity or for the same duration. It is important to understand this basic truth. Only then can we accept our own manner of grieving and be sensitive to another's response to loss. Only then are we able to seek out the nature of support we need for our own personalized journey back to wholeness and be able to help others on their own journey. Not understanding the individuality of grief could complicate and delay whatever grief we might experience from our own loss. It could also influence us, should we attempt to judge the grieving of others - even those we might most want to help. Each of us is a unique combination of diverse past experiences. We each have a different personality, style, various way of coping with stress situations, and our own attitudes influence how we accept the circumstances around us. We are also affected by the role and relationship that each person in a family system had with the departed, by circumstances surrounding the death and by influences in the present. PAST EXPERIENCE.......Past experiences from childhood on, have a great impact on how we are able to handle loss in the present. What other losses have we faced in our childhood, adolescence, adulthood? How frightening were these experiences? Was there good support? Were feelings allowed to be expressed in a secure environment? Has there been a chance to recover and heal from these earlier losses? What other life stresses have been going on prior to this recent loss? Has there been a move to a new area? Were there financial difficulties, problems or illness with another member of the family or with ourself? What has our previous mental health history been like? Have we had bouts with depression? Have we harbored suicidal thoughts? Have we experienced a nervous breakdown? Have we been treated with medication or been hospitalized? How has our family cultural influences conditioned us to respond to loss and the emotions of grief (stoic father, emotional mother, etc.)? RELATIONSHIP WITH THE DECEASED.......No outsider is able to determine the special bond that connects two people, regardless of the relationship, role or length of time the relationship has been in existence. Our relationship with the deceased has a great deal to do with the intensity and duration of our grief. What was that relationship? Was the deceased a spouse? A child? A parent? A friend? A sibling? How strong was the attachment to the deceased? Was it a close, dependent relationship, or intermittent and independent? What was the degree of ambivalence (the love/hate balance) in that relationship? It is not only the person, but also the role that person played in our life which is lost. How major was that role? Was that person the sole breadwinner, the driver, the handler of financial matters? The only one who could fix a decent dinner? Was that person a main emotional support, an only friend? How dependent were we on the role that person filled? CIRCUMSTANCES SURROUNDING THE DEATH......The circumstances surrounding the death; i.e., how the death occurred, are extremely important in determining how we are going to come to an acceptance of the loss. Was the loss in keeping with the laws of Nature as when a person succumbs to old age? Or was order thrown into chaos, as when a parent lives to see a child die? What warnings were there that there would be a loss? Was there time to prepare, time to gradually come to terms with the inevitable? Or did death come so suddenly that there was no anticipation of its arrival? Do we feel that this death could have been prevented or forestalled? How much responsibility am I taking for this death? Do we feel that the deceased accomplished what he or she was meant to fulfill in this lifetime? Was their life full and rewarding? How much was left unsaid or undone between ourselves and the deceased? Does the extent of unfinished business foster a feeling of guilt? INFLUENCES IN THE PRESENT......We have looked at the past, at the relationship, and how the loss occurred. Now we see how the influences in the present can impact how we are finally going to come to terms with a current loss. Age and sex are important factors. Are we young enough and resilient enough to bounce back? Are we old enough and wise enough to accept the loss and to grow with the experience? Can our life be rebuilt again? What opportunities does life offer now? Is health a problem? What are the secondary losses that are the result of this death? Loss of income? Home? Family breakup? What other stresses or crises are present? Our personality, present stability of mental health, and coping behavior play a significiant role in our response to the loss. What kind of role expectations do we have for ourselves? What are those imposed by friends, relatives and others? Are we expected to be the "strong one" or is it alright for us to break down and have someone else take care of us? Are we going to try to assume an unrealistic attempt to satisfy everyone's expectations, or are we going to withdraw from the entire situation? What is there in our social, cultural and ethnic backgrounds that give us strength and comfort? What role do rituals play in our recovery? Do our religious or philosophical beliefs bring comfort or add sorrow and guilt? What kind of social support is there in our lives during this emotional upheaval? CONCLUSION......When a person who is a part of our life dies, understanding the uniqueness of this loss can guide us in finding the support we will need and to recognize when help should come from outside family or friends. When the loss is experienced by someone we would like to help or by someone under our care, this same understanding is essential. Thus we can guard against a temptation to compare or to judge their grief responses to our own. The awareness of those factors which affect the manner, intensity and duration of grief, should enable us to guide the grieving person in seeking those forms of support suggested by the nature of their loss and the unique way it affects them. |
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| Lasagna Recipe
Easy Lasagna 8 ounces lasagna noodles 1 pound lean ground beef 1/2 cup chopped onion 8 ounces mushrooms, optional 1 jar (about 16 ounces) spaghetti sauce, your favorite 1 teaspoon garlic powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon dried leaf oregano, crumbled 1/2 teaspoon dried leaf basil, crumbled 1 1/2 cups ricotta cheese 2 cups shredded Monterey Jack cheese 3/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese Cook lasagna noodles according to package directions; drain and set aside. In a large skillet, brown beef, onion, and mushrooms; drain well. Stir in spaghetti sauce, garlic powder, salt, oregano, and basil. In a 2-quart buttered baking dish (about 11x7x2-inches), layer 1/3 of the lasagna noodles, 1/3 of the sauce and 1/3 of the ricotta cheese, Monterey Jack cheese, and Parmesan cheeses. Repeat layers twice. Bake lasagna for 30 minutes, or until thoroughly heated and bubbly. Let stand for 8 to 10 minutes before cutting and serving. Serves 6 to 8. |
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| THE SHIP OF LIFE
by John T. Baker Along the shore I spy a ship As she sets out to sea; She spreads her sails and sniffs the breeze And slips away from me. I watch her fading image shrink, As she moves on and on, Until at last she’s but a speck, Then someone says, “She’s gone.” Gone where? Gone only from our sight And from our farewell cries; That ship will somewhere reappear To other eager eyes. Beyond the dim horizon’s rim Resound the welcome drums, And while we’re crying, “There she goes!” They’re shouting, “Here she comes!” We’re built to cruise for but a while Upon this trackless sea Until one day we sail away Into infinity. |
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| Journey of Hearts is a life saver on the Internet, providing a way to keep afloat on troubled waters,
until help arrives, or you paddle to shore. Dr. Ololade Reis |
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| SYMPATHY SHARING SITE "The best way to lighten a burden is to share the weight." |
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| Joe |
| Joe & Judy December 16th will be their 23rd anniversary |
| Joe with daughter Jessica 21 and son Justin 20 |
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| "Everyone has his burden. What counts is how you carry it."
––Merle Miller |
| "Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open." Thomas Dewar |
| "Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that." |
| Don't Quit "When things go wrong as they sometimes will When the road you're trudging seems all up hill. When funds are low and the debts are high. And you want to smile, but you have to sigh. When care is pressing you down a bit. Rest, if you must, but don't you quit. Life is queer with its twists and turns. As everyone of us sometimes learns. And many a failure turns about When he might have won had he stuck it out: Don't give up though the pace seems slow - You may succeed with another blow. Success is failure turned inside out - The silver tint of the clouds of doubt. And you never can tell how close you are. It may be near when it seems so far: So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit It's when things seem worst that you must not QUIT. Author unknown |
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| *Judy had sent me a tape of Joe singing. He is a very good singer. Unfortunately, this page will not support the format of the file. Please visit Joe's site and click on the audios of Joe's music. You will not be disappointed. |
| Talking About the Loss of a Loved One
by Cheryline Lawson The loss of a loved one is a very sensitive topic for most people. No one wants to talk about losing a loved one or talk to the person who is grieving. In most cases, the person who is grieving wants to hear sympathy and encouragement. However, it is uncomfortable for others to approach the grief-stricken individual for lack of the right words to say. When I lost my son in 1989, the person closest to me who was my husband and the father of our son, refused to share his feelings with me. I could not get him to open up to me. He did not want to talk about the incident or the future. I respected his wishes and sought other people to talk to. I wanted someone to listen to my pain. My husband's family was not helpful both because they seemed uneasy about everything and whenever I tried to bring up the subject, they would change the subject abruptly. I felt distance between them and my pain. I knew they cared about me, but e topic of death and dying was off limits and not up for discussion. Why is there such a taboo about having a conversation about the feelings one goes through at the time of grief? Is it out of respect for the grieving or is it just our own personal discomfort? Here are some things to consider when dealing with someone who is grieving: Offer your sympathy to someone who has lost a loved one, but also let him or her know that you are available when they need to talk. Be sure to call them on the phone at least once per month to see how they are doing Offer to take him or her out to dinner or a walk in the park Send a letter or card in the mail letting him or her know you are thinking of them By doing these things, you will help the person to understand that you are truly reaching out to them. Most people try to avoid being in the company of the grief stricken individual, not realizing that it is at times of grieving that someone really needs you more than ever. I was not able to find many people to reach out to me. No one wanted to talk about it. I guess this is why some people seek professional help in their grief since professionals are trained to handle people who have lost a loved one. However, if the person cannot afford the help of a counselor, what can they do? The counselor can only be objective, but a friend can help to bring a sense of security and belonging to someone who has had that taken away from them suddenly. Don't take anything or anyone for granted. Don't think that the grieving person wants to be alone all the time. Loneliness can become their worst enemy. You never know when you might need someone to help you through your grief, so try to understand the process by lending a listening ear to someone who is coping with grief. It helps them to release the pain and take a step toward their healing. It also will give you a better handle on their pain. Cheryline Lawson is the mother who has been on an emotional journey of losing her only child and has written a book titled, Coping with Grief, and is giving proceeds of the book back to a support group that is helping grieving families. Find out more about how you can help by visiting her website at http://www.coping-with-grief.com. |
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| This is the 13th edition of "Jeanne's House of Angels" newsletter.
A special thank you to Judy, Joe's wife, in providing her memories of Joe. If you would prefer not to receive a copy of the newsletter, please email me and I will remove you from the mailing list. The featured angel in our next newsletter edition will be Jamie Britt. If you would like your angel to be featured in a future edition of the newsletter, please email me.. AnnieHoo49@twcny.rr.com **due to communication problems, Jamie was suppose to be featured this week, Judy was kind enough to provide the information for Joe who was scheduled to be next week's angel. Thank you to both Joe's wife and Jamie's mom for being so flexible. |