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| Newsletter #3 March 27 , 2007 |
| Jeanne's House of Angels Newsletter |
| Featured Angel: Mark Espinal |
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| Mark was born on December 29, 1984 in New York
and murdered in the driveway of our home in San Leandro, CA on February 03, 2004 at the age of 19. Mark is survived by his mother, father, sister and his young son, Mark, Jr. The above and additional information about Mark can be found on his memory of memorial site. But his mother, Randi, was kind enough to share the following story about Mark. At around eight years of age, we were just relaxing at home doing normal everyday stuff. During the afternoon, Mark’s Uncle Karl and Aunt Jeanne came over to visit us. I’m not sure who initiated the hide and seek game, but it was Mark and Aunt Jeanne that were going to play for awhile. I don’t recall all the details, but this one will remain in my heart always and forever. Mark was going to be the one that was going to hide from Aunt Jeanne, he was sure that she would not find him. Mark was looking around all over the house for the perfect hiding place for himself. After some time of looking, he chose to hide on top of his bedroom door. To this day we still don’t know how he got up there. Aunt Jeanne was busy counting and said, “Ready or not, here I come” and went on to search for her little person who was in hiding. She checked all over the house and finally went to his room, opened the door and looked all over the room for him. She could not find him anywhere. Mark was a really good hider and he knew it. We don’t know how he stayed up there without falling down or without laughing and giving himself up when Aunt Jeanne was in his room looking for him. Finally, he left her know. We were all laughing and amazed at the hiding place he chose. Who would ever think of a little kid climbing up his bedroom door and hiding there? Two years ago we had a one year anniversary memorial at a church and Aunt Jeanne was there. That day, my mind was full of so many emotions. All I did was think of Mark and all that he did in his lifetime. That morning I was telling my husband how Mark hid on top of the door, we were both smiling as we remembered details of that day. At Mark’s memorial service, Aunt Jeanne decided to share a memory of Mark with all of us. She decided to share their hide and seek adventure. She was telling every detail, like it just happened the day before. It made me smile to hear such a precious memory that someone shares with my child. While sitting in the church, I was thinking, how could I be thinking of that same day and what happened and then in the evening Aunt Jeanne think and say the same thing. Perhaps it was Mark, letting us know that he will always be with us, no matter where we are or how much time passes. He will always live on in our hearts. He will always be a part of our lives. As time passes, it has been 3 years since my child has been murdered; I miss Mark more and more. I will never accept that he is truly gone; Mark will always be a part of my life and so many others. We all love and miss Mark dearly and will make sure justice is served. Until it’s my day to see my child again, he will always be my little hide and seeker! I love you son and will miss you forever for the rest of my life. Love, Mom |
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| "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
" Eleanor Roosevelt |
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| Sinking.....
by: Author Unknown, Source Unknown Once upon a time, there was an island where all feelings lived Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all repaired their boats and left. Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment. When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help. Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?" Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you." Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel. "Vanity, please help me!" "I can't help you Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered. Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, "Sadness, let me Go with you." "Oh...Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!" Happiness passed by Love too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her! Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come Love, I will take you." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder her name. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Love realizing how much he owed the elder asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who helped me?" "It was Time," Knowledge answered. "Time?" asked. Love. "But why did Time help me?" Knowledge smiled with deep Wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is." |
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Wanda Bincer, M.D. Madison, Wisconsin Grief is a universal human experience and all of us are familiar with the feelings of pain and sadness following a loss. We read about tragedies every day in the newspapers, see them on TV, hear about misfortunes from friends or experience a loss of someone dear to us through illness or old age. Our culture tends to encourage us to ignore death and pain, and promotes the myth that we can all be young, beautiful and if we live right, happy forever. Many have read or heard of the work of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and other experts on death and dying. Thus we are familiar with the stages of grief, shock, denial, rage, despair, and finally acceptance. We may find reassurance in the fact that the terrain has been studied, that there is a map on how to travel the areas that need to be passed on the road to our destination. For some the travel is made easier by a strong faith, by a sense of meaning and purpose, and by the firm belief that they will need with absent loved ones after death. At different times many of us come into contact with grieving persons at a funeral, memorial service or when visiting the bereaved. We offer caring words, compassion, practical help and maybe even love, but then we are finished and go on with our lives. I was thrust into the world of senseless violence, grief and anguish with the sudden news of the murder of my oldest child and only daughter. It began with utter shock and disbelief and a slim hope that a mistake had been made. The shock and disbelief still catch me at times, even though four years have passed. And of course a terrible mistake was made; some cruel and misguided man ended the life of a young woman, who loved life, people and animals. She picked up stray puppies, loved children, had a radiant sunny smile and wanted to start a camp for mentally retarded and disabled children. A part of me was killed with her and I will never be the same again. We all ask "why." We become acutely aware of our vulnerability. The world suddenly becomes an unfair and dangerous place. Our sense of trust, order, and the belief that should we live just and good life nothing bad will happen to us, are shattered. However, it is important to remember that we are all individuals, that our circumstances differ, as does the length and pattern of our grief. What we can offer those who are grieving is a caring acceptance of their special way of dealing with their anguish and a willingness to listen. "Give Sorrow Words" is the message of the self-support group Parents of Murdered Children. Healing can be facilitated by telling one's story again and again and by allowing oneself to experience pain, rage and despair. Most of us do not realize our own strengths and ability to cope. The resiliency and power of the human spirit are awesome. When I come into contact with families whose child has been murdered and experience the compassion and caring within the group, my faith in the human spirit is restored. Survivors of the murder of a child, spouse, or friend have a great deal to offer one another and often can be of more help than the clergy or mental health professionals. I would say that probably the most important element that can help us in our grieving is that we treat ourselves with great kindness and that we do not set up unfair expectations of ourselves. Length of time, intensity of sorrow, may be different for each of us. The different stages of grief follow no rigid order and we need to give ourselves permission to experience our anguish in our own time, without deadlines or hurtful judgements. As we live through unimaginable heartbreak and sadness, it is a time for gentleness; it is a time to forgive ourselves, our anger and self-centeredness; it is a time to allow ourselves to weep, as long and as often as we wish. It is important not to allow society in general, our friends, mental health professionals, or the clergy in particular, to pressure us into getting on with the business of living and thus shortening or suppressing our grieving. Well-meaning people who expect the bereaved to become quickly functional, smiling and cheerful again, may do incredible harm and will certainly increase the feelings of loneliness, hurt and alienation already present. It is important to grieve, to experience the pain, to weep and to acknowledge the impact of our loss. To allow ourselves to grieve is healing in the long run. It enables us to put our lives together again as best we can under the circumstances. © 1989 Nancy K. Ruhe |
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| Who indeed can harm you if you are committed deeply to doing what is right?
- I Peter |
| "Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.
" -Bernice Johnson Reagon |
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| Missing and murdered children. Faces of the missing and murdered children. |
| Peace Health Self Help Clearinghouse Death of a Child |
| Parents of Murdered Children POMC makes the difference through on-going emotional support, education, prevention, advocacy, and awareness. |
Grief-violence is a support group for persons who have lost loved ones due to violence, including murder. |
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| Featured Recipe Pigs in a Blanket Biscuits (Pillsbury, or whatever you prefer) Cheese if desired Place piece of hot dog into biscuit, place cheese on top if desired, roll up and place in over at temperature suggested on roll of biscuits. Recipe from Mark’s girlfriend’s grandmother. She made these just for Mark one day and he loved them |
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| Links Click anywhere on the tag to visit the website |
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| Inner Tempest Stilled
By Beenie Legato Sometimes I sense a little flutter. Like a shadow swiftly slipping by. Or I hear a silent, gentle murmur. Like a soft whisper from out the sky. Sometimes... I hear you call my name, Or clearly see your face before me. And I feel that you are with me still. Then peacefully... I come to know As I am thinking happy thoughts of you You, my son, are thinking of me too. Loving memories fill my aching heart. As dreaming dreams of what could be. Or might have been, if you were here. Until the piercing pain of losing you Comes tumbling down on trembling fear. And clearly once again I hear you say, "But Mom…What if I had never been. You could not then in LOVE remember me." |
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| Guess who? |
| Mark Trivia Favorite color: red Favorite food: bacon cheeseburgers shrimp; stuffing; milkshakes; skittles, starburst; licorice Hobbies: riding dirt bikes; karate paintball; listening to music; working on his car Favorite Movies: Dances with Wolves Blood In Blood Out, The Godfather Scarface; Drumline |
| Love is acceptance...even if we're different (or edible!) |
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| Kids Say:
Love and marriage: "If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." -- Glenn, age 7 "Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." -- John, age 9 "I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." -- Manuel, age 8 "Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too." -- Greg, age 8 "My mother says to look for a man who is kind. That's what I'll do. I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -- Carolyn, age 8 "Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." -- Dave, age 8 "Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." -- Christine, age 9 "It isn't always how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything, and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." -- Brian, age 7 How To Tell If Two People Are Married: "Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." -- Eddie, age 6 "You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." -- Derrick, age 8 Strategies For Making People Fall In Love With You: "Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." -- Del, age 6 "Shake your hips and hope for the best." -- Camille, age 9 Good Advice About Love: "Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck!" -- Ricky, age 7 "Don't forget your wife's name. That will mess up the love." -- Erin, age 8 Why People In Love Often Hold Hands: "They want to make sure their rings don't fall off, because they paid good money for them." -- Gavin, age 8 "They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing." -- John, age 9 |
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| This is the third edition of "Jeanne's House of Angels" newsletter. I would like to thank Randi for sharing her angel. Mark with us. If you would prefer not to receive a copy of the newsletter, please email me and I will remove you from the mailing list. The featured angel in our next newsletter edition will be Harold Hipple. AnnieHoo49@twcny.rr.com |
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